I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
