It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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