Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
