It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
