My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
