maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
