so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
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there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.