just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best