I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.