I showed him my bush... on skype.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
