I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
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I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world