Texts From Last Night

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  (240): View more from Maryland

  you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters

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  (240): you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters http://tfl.nu/0u7p
  Replies (30) Good night (5107) Bad night (1156)
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  (356): View more from

  her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..

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  (356): her boobs were like sundried tomatoes.. http://tfl.nu/wyr4
  Replies (31) Good night (506) Bad night (8703)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.

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  (651): It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks. http://tfl.nu/wi6e
  Replies (12) Good night (655) Bad night (3702)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.

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  (847): No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv. http://tfl.nu/ej96
  Replies (38) Good night (1739) Bad night (4138)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.

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  (203): Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned. http://tfl.nu/94k0
  Replies (15) Good night (6642) Bad night (2059)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.

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  (512): dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander. http://tfl.nu/scp8
  Replies (29) Good night (4593) Bad night (1239)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.

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  (217): This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates. http://tfl.nu/zki5
  Replies (2) Good night (2318) Bad night (1996)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.

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  (734): So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot. http://tfl.nu/gct9
  Replies (3) Good night (804) Bad night (732)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids

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  (302): I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids http://tfl.nu/6v45
  Replies (15) Good night (1798) Bad night (1069)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Career choice validated

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  (732): Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!" (732): Career choice validated http://tfl.nu/g765
  Replies (51) Good night (9440) Bad night (945)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.

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  (586): Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba. http://tfl.nu/rgqz
  Replies (3) Good night (1478) Bad night (591)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome

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  (732): Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome http://tfl.nu/8jcl
  Replies (26) Good night (2074) Bad night (2131)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.

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  (614): when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs. http://tfl.nu/t3w8
  Replies (2) Good night (639) Bad night (288)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"

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  (775): This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat" http://tfl.nu/i7x4
  Replies (6) Good night (629) Bad night (625)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude

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  (306): Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude http://tfl.nu/ijqp
  Replies (4) Good night (411) Bad night (265)

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