flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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