youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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