Texts From Last Night

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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now

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  (970): I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now http://tfl.nu/72p0
  Replies (7) Good night (941) Bad night (1941)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.

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  (301): I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you. http://tfl.nu/0isu
  Replies (25) Good night (995) Bad night (2780)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.

  (224): View more from Illinois

  it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.

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  (847): everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool. (224): it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you. http://tfl.nu/qam8
  Replies (24) Good night (792) Bad night (3637)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..

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  (513): i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had (484): please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake.. http://tfl.nu/zph1
  Replies (29) Good night (958) Bad night (3150)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.

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  (413): she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman. http://tfl.nu/lb9r
  Replies (19) Good night (1197) Bad night (4543)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.

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  (706): I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life. http://tfl.nu/uth4
  Replies (20) Good night (1556) Bad night (4136)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?

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  (314): Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me? http://tfl.nu/x7by
  Replies (35) Good night (2504) Bad night (10163)
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  (559): View more from California

  The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.

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  (559): The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway. http://tfl.nu/e3fd
  Replies (7) Good night (2678) Bad night (873)
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  (914): View more from New York

  I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow

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  (914): I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow http://tfl.nu/1io8
  Replies (17) Good night (2097) Bad night (788)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".

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  (+44): Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis". http://tfl.nu/tct7
  Replies (7) Good night (1670) Bad night (536)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me

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  (615): Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me http://tfl.nu/3qkc
  Replies (1) Good night (968) Bad night (540)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed

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  (704): it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed http://tfl.nu/73fn
  Replies (1) Good night (307) Bad night (504)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp

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  (860): It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp http://tfl.nu/5iy1
  Replies (3) Good night (325) Bad night (413)
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  (408): View more from California

  that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence

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  (408): that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence http://tfl.nu/qpf7
  Replies (5) Good night (633) Bad night (311)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.

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  (770): He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped. http://tfl.nu/bmak
  Replies (1) Good night (452) Bad night (347)

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