Texts From Last Night

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  (360): View more from Washington

  Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.

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  (360): Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song. http://tfl.nu/h927
  Replies (26) Good night (6382) Bad night (751)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"

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  (601): Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing" http://tfl.nu/jpe9
  Replies (6) Good night (1250) Bad night (3642)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.

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  (904): I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday. http://tfl.nu/n34k
  Replies (6) Good night (3370) Bad night (1630)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.

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  (978): the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year. http://tfl.nu/sg85
  Replies (2) Good night (3500) Bad night (904)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.

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  (850): I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think. http://tfl.nu/r53a
  Replies (7) Good night (1286) Bad night (2836)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.

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  (570): hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help. http://tfl.nu/nfdk
  Replies (11) Good night (2795) Bad night (1141)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.

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  (519): I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it. http://tfl.nu/dyf5
  Replies (8) Good night (3057) Bad night (1067)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.

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  (970): Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose. http://tfl.nu/6jp2
  Replies (3) Good night (828) Bad night (1962)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face

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  (541): Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face http://tfl.nu/zdd8
  Replies (11) Good night (2168) Bad night (753)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...

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  (832): the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left... http://tfl.nu/9li6
  Replies (7) Good night (689) Bad night (1351)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.

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  (403): We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex. http://tfl.nu/5276
  Replies (9) Good night (1836) Bad night (646)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.

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  (903): I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat. http://tfl.nu/c6vl
  Replies (3) Good night (1084) Bad night (402)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.

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  (319): I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you. http://tfl.nu/2phb
  Replies (6) Good night (757) Bad night (425)
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  (805): View more from California

  I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water

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  (805): I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water http://tfl.nu/4hod
  Replies (3) Good night (1235) Bad night (420)
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  (+66): View more from Thailand

  The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"

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  (+66): The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?" http://tfl.nu/bzhn
  Replies (0) Good night (651) Bad night (434)

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