you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts