I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
worst night to have a conscience
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
