my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
