i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
