Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
