Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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