a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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