Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
We named our party play list daddy issues
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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