Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
