...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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