I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
