Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
