Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
