lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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