Nicole vs. Life
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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