hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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