i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
