we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
