Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
