Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
