he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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