Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
My dick has a subreddit
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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