First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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