I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
