I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
