I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
