i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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