oh god the rape fog is back!
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
