I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
