do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
