I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
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I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
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The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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