but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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