i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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