Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Blood and glitter go together right?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
