I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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