Jerry, you need to find god
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
