Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
