evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
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He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
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I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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