Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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