addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You need a sexual gate keeper
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
