so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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