let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize