i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
