I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
