I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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