What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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