he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
