i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
