I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize