I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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