i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
