I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
