I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
