Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
