i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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