Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
